Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
