Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
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