yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
