dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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