brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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