I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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