there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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