Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
