New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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