I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
