So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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