I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
