Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
