they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
