I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
