I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
