The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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