Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
