you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
