These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
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Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
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Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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