What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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