I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
