420 ftw
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
