She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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