Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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