I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
