I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
