I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
