Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
