theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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