yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
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I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
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FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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