These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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