I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
