I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
