sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just had sex bonerless
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
