I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
