This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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