are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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