I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
