Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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