Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Liz is crying about burritos again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
