I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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