I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
