I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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