Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
