it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
