You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
