today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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