My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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