I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
