During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
