I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
