what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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