Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
