Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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