He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
