How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
