he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
