these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
