Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
