Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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