The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
