she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
birth control should be required to get into college
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
