They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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