Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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