I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
