I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
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For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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