i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
