i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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