i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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