it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
