i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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