he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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