i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
