Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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