I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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