she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
